I can count you on my hand!

Me and Ari made plans earlier in the week to have movie night....but honestly, the fact that he has been acting weird sends the biggest red flag up in my mind. So I decided to take care of it...

I texted him last night- "you still talk to your ex?"- he replies yes....another BIG red flag...so i just made it stop-

I wrote- "I dont think we should see eachother anymore. I was having a lot of fun, but honestly, I cant fool around with someone who is still attached to their ex..."

*sidebar* he has told me about his ex- her name is Bri. They broke up VERY recently.....The only things I know about her are the things that Ari has told me, and those include the following statements:

" She got crazy- said she was gonna kill herself when I left her"
"Mother is abusive to her- so thats why shes messed up"
"Ive been done with her for a while now"
"She didnt have any friends of her own, only me"
"She did drugs a lot in high school"

...the only conclusion that can be drawn from this is that she was a little on the crazy side, and that he had had enough. Or that the bad stuff was so bad that he forgot about any of the good things, even if they may have been present at some time.

But the fact that he is still talking to her makes me think hes not totally over her...I dont want someone who is carrying their baggage around with them- I want someone without baggage...or maybe even someone who has put their baggage in a storage unit to look back on and reflect on earlier mistakes and gains!

I dont even want to mess around with Ari anymore. I wasnt in it for a relationship, but I dont even want to fool around with him....it makes me feel like the other woman to this Bri- I dont want Ari to be lying to her and leading her on while he is fooling around with me, because I know that would kill me if it were to happen to me....

So, long story short, I told him I dont really want to see him anymore. He asked, "not even as friends?" and I said no.....no friend of mine would treat someone like he treats Bri, even if they arent "together" anymore- thats just shitty guy material, and I dont want to be even in friendly company with those people.

I have been serverly hurt before in relationships, particularly my last one. I was too careful to trust my heart to someone I didnt know well enough. I learned a lot about myself, and what I am willing to tolerate in a romantic OR non-romantic relationship- and call my expectations high, but I expect nothing of my friends and romances than I expect of myself... and, sure, my number of true friends can be counted on one hand, but its the quality, not the quantity that I am worried about.

So, me and Ari are done with whatever we were doing. It may have been a little harsh to tell him the things I did, but honesty hurts sometimes- I told we arent going to be friends anymore so then he doesnt feel the urge to lie to this poor girl who is madly in love with him. He needs to be nicer and stop tossing her around- thats probably the thing thats making her crazy! What an asshole lol

I always wondered why my parents have few friends- I thought there may be something wrong with them, or the were some crazy loners or something. But I never made the connection between the amount of friends and the amount of drama they have in their lives.....Few friends, but zero drama! I can see myself turning into my parents more and more each day....They really do choose to surround themselves with only the best and kindest of people.

But this post is really dedicated to those who hold a place in my heart and on my hand of true friends!:

INDEX FINGER: Goes to my little sister, Katie- we were close when we were little, and every year it seems to get better- my index finger belongs to you- I can say "youre number one!"...and i can pick my nose with you :)

MIDDLE FINGER: For fucking Toni Sanchez!!! My love, my soul mate, my queen in shining armour! I can tell you anything in the world and not feel judged- needless to say, we are in love....I can use you to tell people exactly how I feel without saying a word :)

RING FINGER: For Kelly Andrews! Fat kidz unity, snuggie exchange, and watching out for eachother from immature girls who talk about you behind your back....you will know me better than I know myself forever...Youre my ring finger bc me and you should get married one day

PINKY FINGER: Jenny Rosser- once sworn enemies, we are now eachothers support system and internship coaches.....DONT TOUCH THE KIDS! (the pinky is the smallest finger, so if you touch a kid with it, its almost like you can get away with it..........JUST KIDDING!)

THUMB- Kris Ramos- you dont know it, but I adore you so much. And I believe everything happens for a reason, and there is a reason why me and you have stayed in touch for all these years, even though we have been in the same town maybe a total of 5 times over the past four years. I can give you a thumbs up, and use you to flush the toilet...and play video games

....mom and dad, youre my WRIST...bc you hold all this together, and had it not been for the values and morals you have taught me, then I would not have found these people that contribute so much to my life.

I am blessed. I find that out more and more everyday. Im out!